*Subject to final copy edits*
Recommended for mature readers.
Once upon a time…
Prologue
Eli Blue
Love fucking sucks. No really, let me repeat myself. Love. Fucking. Sucks. I’d lived my entire life believing in fairytales, believing that my Prince Charming would swoop in and rescue me. Then shitty heartbreak, after shitty heartbreak, knocked me down until I had no choice but to stop believing…
Until the day I started again.
Honestly, I never thought it would happen, but all it really took was a simple spark to ignite the smoldering within me, and then it flamed. Want a glimpse of that day? Want a small peek at the possibility of happily ever after before I show you the turmoil? Yea, I figured you did.
***
See that beautiful woman, covered from head to toe in flowing blue silk, peering over the edge of the landing – that’s me. I’m surrounded by twinkling lights and white flower sprigs that smell bright and romantic. I hated them, hated what they represented, and what I no longer had.
I looked like a princess on the outside, but felt sad and alone inside. I was positive no one would see it because they never do. I’d been blindly navigating through life for a long time, since the day I’d lost the only person that ever truly loved me, when I was too young to know how much he’d be missed. But of course like love always does, it found its way back to me in the form of a man that pulled at every inch of my body and heart.
He’s down there, just entering through the large doors. Damn, that body-hugging penguin suit fits him perfectly. His hair had grown longer than I remembered; the little curls that once teased along his hairline were now full ringlets. His dark whiskers had turned long and unruly. My heart ached at the sight of him, ached for what we once had – for the opportunity that we lost.
He looked up, his eyes immediately connecting with mine. I saw them brighten for just an instant then slowly fade.
Then he looked away.
A waiter handed me a flute of champagne, I downed it and took two more from the tray. I didn’t give a shit how inappropriate it might have looked to my colleagues that were here to celebrate my dad—I needed it. In life, people take what they need most; unfortunately, I was just starting to understand this and do some taking for myself.
There was a loud tapping on the microphone that I assumed was to signal the start of the show. Everyone that was anyone in the music industry had shown up to remember my dad’s music. He’s being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame next month, but tonight was a somewhat lower scale gathering, if you could call an event of this size small. Everyone that knew him or worked with him throughout his career was here. Musicians fought for the chance to play his songs, or write new music to commemorate his career. It should be a touching occasion, but I’d been dreading it for weeks, and had practically been forced here against my will.
I took my seat in the front row and waited for the rush of memories that I didn’t want - memories that I’d buried deep were about to be yanked to the surface. After the first song, the tears were pooling in my eyes; tears of pity for myself. I decided the only way I was going to survive the night was to turn my emotions off – to just shut down. It was actually starting to work, too. Song after song, I smiled when I felt others watching me, and I clapped when everyone else clapped. But I never heard a single note or melody – the music was lost to me. Music has the ability to reach deep into your soul, to the places you’d forgotten; where the deepest wounds reside – and I didn’t fucking want that—I wanted to be left alone.
My entire being was numb to my surroundings until a low murmur spread through the crowd drawing my attention. The lights lowered as one man took the stage. My eyes grew wide as I saw who it was, and I knew I’d never be able to ignore the rhythm that came from within him that his guitar simply amplified. Clutched in his hands was my dad’s guitar, the one I’d given him just before it all came crashing down.
He sat on a simple black stool directly in front of me; so close I could have reached out and plucked the strings myself. But he didn’t look at me; instead he looked over me and to the crowd before finally closing his eyes to play. His fingers slowly glided over the guitar, sending the vibrations deep into my heart. It was one of my dad’s songs; only he’d changed it and made it his own.
While the world is still living
All my passion has faded away
My fingers on this guitar to stop feeling the ache
‘Cause she’ll never long for me
I deceived myself
She was gone from the instant I loved her
My heart still calls to her
As I try to find the power to move forward somehow
No, I won’t ever forget us
Her love was blue and made for another
A fairytale I could never measure
Full of prosperity and control
I was meager with no rise in sight
I deceived myself
She was gone from the instant I loved her
My heart still calls to her
As I try to find the power to move forward somehow
No, I won’t ever forget us
Tears of loss falling down as I try to forget
Her love was a ruse from when I first fell
None of her love, all meant for them
Cause of my pain when I think back to then
I remember her smell as it filled me full
The sound of betrayal as it spilled from her lips
Say to myself time and time again
I’ll never need her from now on
I deceived myself
She was gone from the instant I loved her
My heart still calls to her
As I try to find the power to move forward somehow
No, I won’t ever forget us
It was never meant to be
My heart knows that now
I’ve found the will to forget her now
My bequest to you ‘cause I know that’s your will
Tears were streaming down my face—no longer for myself, but for this man that I’d loved and lost – tears for us. The song ended and he disappeared from the stage. Before I cleared the wetness from my eyes he was standing in front of me, holding my dad’s guitar out to me. I stood and moved toward him. My fingers wrapped around the smooth maple wood of the guitar’s neck, and I could feel the grooves in the frets caused by years of play.
I had wondered if I’d ever see this man, or this guitar again, and here they were, right in front of me where I could feel their presence reverberating in my soul.
Neither of us spoke. I smiled; he frowned, and then turned and walked away.
A Blue Tale
Available December 30, 2013
Copyright by Sarah Dosher LLC
Recommended for mature readers.
Once upon a time…
Prologue
Eli Blue
Love fucking sucks. No really, let me repeat myself. Love. Fucking. Sucks. I’d lived my entire life believing in fairytales, believing that my Prince Charming would swoop in and rescue me. Then shitty heartbreak, after shitty heartbreak, knocked me down until I had no choice but to stop believing…
Until the day I started again.
Honestly, I never thought it would happen, but all it really took was a simple spark to ignite the smoldering within me, and then it flamed. Want a glimpse of that day? Want a small peek at the possibility of happily ever after before I show you the turmoil? Yea, I figured you did.
***
See that beautiful woman, covered from head to toe in flowing blue silk, peering over the edge of the landing – that’s me. I’m surrounded by twinkling lights and white flower sprigs that smell bright and romantic. I hated them, hated what they represented, and what I no longer had.
I looked like a princess on the outside, but felt sad and alone inside. I was positive no one would see it because they never do. I’d been blindly navigating through life for a long time, since the day I’d lost the only person that ever truly loved me, when I was too young to know how much he’d be missed. But of course like love always does, it found its way back to me in the form of a man that pulled at every inch of my body and heart.
He’s down there, just entering through the large doors. Damn, that body-hugging penguin suit fits him perfectly. His hair had grown longer than I remembered; the little curls that once teased along his hairline were now full ringlets. His dark whiskers had turned long and unruly. My heart ached at the sight of him, ached for what we once had – for the opportunity that we lost.
He looked up, his eyes immediately connecting with mine. I saw them brighten for just an instant then slowly fade.
Then he looked away.
A waiter handed me a flute of champagne, I downed it and took two more from the tray. I didn’t give a shit how inappropriate it might have looked to my colleagues that were here to celebrate my dad—I needed it. In life, people take what they need most; unfortunately, I was just starting to understand this and do some taking for myself.
There was a loud tapping on the microphone that I assumed was to signal the start of the show. Everyone that was anyone in the music industry had shown up to remember my dad’s music. He’s being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame next month, but tonight was a somewhat lower scale gathering, if you could call an event of this size small. Everyone that knew him or worked with him throughout his career was here. Musicians fought for the chance to play his songs, or write new music to commemorate his career. It should be a touching occasion, but I’d been dreading it for weeks, and had practically been forced here against my will.
I took my seat in the front row and waited for the rush of memories that I didn’t want - memories that I’d buried deep were about to be yanked to the surface. After the first song, the tears were pooling in my eyes; tears of pity for myself. I decided the only way I was going to survive the night was to turn my emotions off – to just shut down. It was actually starting to work, too. Song after song, I smiled when I felt others watching me, and I clapped when everyone else clapped. But I never heard a single note or melody – the music was lost to me. Music has the ability to reach deep into your soul, to the places you’d forgotten; where the deepest wounds reside – and I didn’t fucking want that—I wanted to be left alone.
My entire being was numb to my surroundings until a low murmur spread through the crowd drawing my attention. The lights lowered as one man took the stage. My eyes grew wide as I saw who it was, and I knew I’d never be able to ignore the rhythm that came from within him that his guitar simply amplified. Clutched in his hands was my dad’s guitar, the one I’d given him just before it all came crashing down.
He sat on a simple black stool directly in front of me; so close I could have reached out and plucked the strings myself. But he didn’t look at me; instead he looked over me and to the crowd before finally closing his eyes to play. His fingers slowly glided over the guitar, sending the vibrations deep into my heart. It was one of my dad’s songs; only he’d changed it and made it his own.
While the world is still living
All my passion has faded away
My fingers on this guitar to stop feeling the ache
‘Cause she’ll never long for me
I deceived myself
She was gone from the instant I loved her
My heart still calls to her
As I try to find the power to move forward somehow
No, I won’t ever forget us
Her love was blue and made for another
A fairytale I could never measure
Full of prosperity and control
I was meager with no rise in sight
I deceived myself
She was gone from the instant I loved her
My heart still calls to her
As I try to find the power to move forward somehow
No, I won’t ever forget us
Tears of loss falling down as I try to forget
Her love was a ruse from when I first fell
None of her love, all meant for them
Cause of my pain when I think back to then
I remember her smell as it filled me full
The sound of betrayal as it spilled from her lips
Say to myself time and time again
I’ll never need her from now on
I deceived myself
She was gone from the instant I loved her
My heart still calls to her
As I try to find the power to move forward somehow
No, I won’t ever forget us
It was never meant to be
My heart knows that now
I’ve found the will to forget her now
My bequest to you ‘cause I know that’s your will
Tears were streaming down my face—no longer for myself, but for this man that I’d loved and lost – tears for us. The song ended and he disappeared from the stage. Before I cleared the wetness from my eyes he was standing in front of me, holding my dad’s guitar out to me. I stood and moved toward him. My fingers wrapped around the smooth maple wood of the guitar’s neck, and I could feel the grooves in the frets caused by years of play.
I had wondered if I’d ever see this man, or this guitar again, and here they were, right in front of me where I could feel their presence reverberating in my soul.
Neither of us spoke. I smiled; he frowned, and then turned and walked away.
A Blue Tale
Available December 30, 2013
Copyright by Sarah Dosher LLC
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